I think I’ll start meditating consistently again. Sometimes I’ve noticed that meditation gives me a feeling like that of being on holiday. (I suspect that the operative word there is ‘being’). It’s only three days into a week off work that I feel relaxed enough to understand my life as a whole, rather than a series of milestones. I think I often mistake this feeling and attribute it to fine dining, alcohol, good weather… or a view of the sea: an unanswerable expanse which makes us feel calm or reflective or alive depending on its own mood.
I’ve also noticed, when meditating, that a memory will often appear out of nowhere. I’m not sure whether this is the busy mind attempting to reassert control, or a kind of reward: the still waters of the mind allowing a peaceful image to surface instead of their usual boisterous demands. This morning the memory was of my seventeen year old self playing computer games in my bedroom with my brother at Christmas. Final Fantasy VII for me, Quake II for him. That’s all. I might record some of these memories here.